Month: June 2004

Yesterday my plumbing finally passed inspection at that house I’ve been rehabbing–the one with the borrowed water meter. Today the meter gets pulled and tonight, under cover of darkness, it goes back to its original home.

My customer (the investor) is from Viet Nam and, being unfamiliar with bureaucracies, asked me why everyone at the water department was so stupid. On the telephone he was transferred to eight or ten different people, none of whom knew anything about how to solve his dilemma. Someone even transferred him to the meter shop, which is just the guys in work clothes who have absolutely nothing to do with setting up a new account and typing it into the computer and sending the bill and such. He asked “Is there no instructions for them, what to do if A or B or C, and then A1 or A2 or A3, etc.?” He’s an engineer and thinks in linear terms.

My answer was that the opposite is true. In a bureaucracy, they’re smothered with instructions and regulations because everyone is trying to cover his posterior and keep his job, but nobody is concerned about the customer. What you routinely find in these government offices is people who say “I filled out the form, I followed the procedure, you can’t fire me or I’ll sue your backside. True, what I did accomplished nothing, didn’t help the customer, and, in fact, made things worse; but I’m safe and that’s all that matters.” And, of course, it’s impossible to make a rule for every situation. If smart people aren’t empowered to exercise initiative and solve the problems with “whatever it takes,” the problems don’t get solved and the bureaucracy becomes a nightmare of red tape and gridlock.

Which pretty well describes government in America. Join the revolution: check out the Constitution Party.

So far I’m not in as much trouble as I feared. The husband returned from out-of-town, saw the damage, and wasn’t too concerned about it. If I seal it and paint it, that’s good enough for him. He’s out of town again, so I have over a week to get the job done.

An Iranian newspaper has reported the controversial story of a woman who claims to have given birth to a frog.

Sounds plausible enough.

Had a little problem this past Friday.

The lady needed a new water heater. The old one up in the attic was leaking. Her husband had tried to turn off the supply to the water heater, but the valve didn’t completely work; some water was still coming into the heater. I replied “That’s okay, I can turn off the water to the whole house out at the street.”

The salient part of her information was the statement that her husband had tried to turn off the water in the attic, “but the valves just turned and turned and turned.” I happened to know that some of these valves require a whole lot of turns to accomplish anything, so that wasn’t much of a concern to me. But I took note that she had said “valves” or maybe “handles.” At any rate, it was plural.

Sure enough, when I began working, I saw five valves on various pipes. Only one of them was the correct one, but I assumed that he had fiddled with them all. (He’s a smart guy, but stays away from handyman tasks.)

Once I finished installing the new water heater, I opened all of the valves, including the one that fills the water heater. As it turns out, one of the other valves sent water through a pipe that some plumber had left completely open in another part of the attic. A large quantity of water flowed into that area before I saw it emerging from the air conditioning vents downstairs.

The ceiling is now totally defaced with water stains. It remains to be seen how much work will be necessary to restore it.

I was the only one in the house. The couple is out of town and cannot be reached. They don’t know about it yet, unless they read this blog.

I’m in big trouble. 🙁

The war continues. The Muslims decapitated their hostage Paul Johnson on Friday.

If I had to choose the method by which I’d be murdered, I wouldn’t choose having my head sawed off with a big Muslim butcher knife. Yet, as killings go, it’s probably not so painful as a gunshot to the heart or a less-than-perfect hanging.

The guillotine was invented by a doctor who wanted to provide a humane way to execute people during the communist revolution in France 1789-93. The headsman’s axe was notoriously unreliable. A bad stroke could be really unpleasant. But beheading was the uptown way to go in those days; the lower classes were burned at the stake, hanged slowly, or crushed on “the wheel.” The French Revolution wanted everybody to be equal, don’t you see? So heads were rolling in Paris to the tune of about 100 per month–rather paltry for a communist revolution, but we must allow for the fact that this was their first one and they were still perfecting their idea that you have to murder millions to make a paradise.

Some doctors dispute the guillotine’s humane quality, claiming that it could take up to thirty seconds for the decapitated to lose consciousness. Seems unlikely.

Even if it’s humane, decapitation is gruesome. The Muslims would get less propaganda mileage if they used a firing squad. But the target is just as dead either way.

Somebody else who is just as dead as Johnson is Abdulaziz al-Moqrin, the head of al-Qaida in Saudi Arabia. Saudi security forces done him in shortly after Johnson’s body was dumped. They whacked four others at the same time. Them: 1, Us: 5. Not a bad score.

Johnson was a noncombatant, one of millions of westerners who work in Saudi Arabia. For what it’s worth, he worked on Apache helicopters. Where is the enemy supposed to draw the line? They’re trying to defeat us.

They kill us; we kill them. If we retreat, the headchoppers will take over and, eventually, will come after us “infidels.” The choice is not between peace and war, it’s between fighting and “submitting.” (The word “islam” means “submission.” It’s supposed to mean submission to Allah; but the funny thing is, that always winds up meaning submission some sandal-shod bedsheet with a face like an armpit.)

The modern philosopher Rodney King posed the question “Can’t we all just get along?” The answer is no, and it would be nice if American pacifists learned that. They won’t, which is one more example of the fact that we can’t all just “get along.” Somebody’s going to be in charge and somebody else isn’t going to like it.

This world is messed up. The Kingdom of God will be a time of universal peace. We aren’t there this week, so the fight continues.

It is common for folks to think that the government is looking out for us. Sometimes it’s even true. But not always.

I’m presently being hobbled by the city water department. They won’t install a water meter at a house that I have plumbed. The house had burned, an investor bought it and is rehabbing it, and he hired me to run new plumbing in the house. I pulled a permit and did the work. But when I was ready to turn on the water and test the system, there was still no meter.

For those of you who are plumbing-illiterate, the meter is an eight-inch-or-so gizmo that goes on the water line, usually in a sunken box out near the curb in front of the house. The water from the city system runs through the meter and on through the pipe up to the house. The meter, of course, measures how much water flows by. If the meter isn’t there, there’s no connection between the city’s water and the house.

When the investor calls the city to request water, they tell him “The house was condemned and we removed our meter. Before we can set another one, we have to receive a notice from Code Enforcement.” Code Enforcement, however, doesn’t do anything but inspect my plumbing and give me a green sticker if everything is okay–and they can’t inspect it until the water department sets a meter.

This used to be called a Mexican Standoff, but the thin-skinned sissies among us probably wouldn’t appreciate it, so I’ll call it a Swedish Baptist Standoff. (You may say absolutely anything against Whites and/or Baptists.) Whatever the name, it’s your tax dollars at work.

The solution? Swipe a meter from an empty house that’s up for sale, install it at the job site, get the inspection, and quickly return the meter. Thus government turns its citizens into sneaks.

It’s time for a revolution. Check out the Constitution Party.

Flying toilet causes $6,000 worth of damage.

A Japanese manufacturer called Toto has introduced “the world’s most intelligent toilet.” Called the “Neorest,” the commode features a wireless remote that can raise and lower the seat, a deodorizer, a warm air drier, and a massager. Price: $5,000.

The world’s most intelligent toilet, eh? And what can we say about those who drop five grand on this royal flush, hmmm?

Pundits on both sides have plenty of material for post-mortems this week. Some conservatives say that Reagan wasn’t consistent enough. Others think that he was the fourth person of the Blessed Trinity. The Left, of course, is polite in public and foaming at the mouth when speaking to one another. (Ted Rall says that Reagan is now burning in Hell.) Plenty of diversity out there.

I remember the Reagan years as a time of optimism. “Let’s make America great again” was a common theme. We right-wing extremists had been beaten down for so long, we were elated to finally see some things returning to sanity. Those were happy, heady days. Our peerless leader was saying the right things and often doing them and we had hope that America’s downward spiral was being reversed. One book we all read was called The Second American Revolution. Another was The New Right: We’re Ready to Lead. There were dozens more.

Alas, the perspective of old age (I’m 48) has shed a lot of light on those times. Clinton was elected twice by a nation that had seen the wonders of the Reagan years. The size and scope of government increased steadily under Reagan, George Bush, and Clinton, and now skyrockets under the leadership of Dub Bush. And, by definition, increasing government means the restricting of liberty; and liberty was the key idea in our secession from England.

Nearly everything is a mixture of good and bad. Despite the disappointments we conservatives have experienced, I’ll always look back fondly on the “Glory Days” when America stood tall and her enemies were scurrying for cover. And I’ll thank God for Ronald Reagan.

Yesterday I cleaned a drain belonging to Elvis’s aunt.

Well, it used to belong to her. It’s at a house in midtown that she lived in long ago. An ordinary midtown home; nothing special. Cast iron drainpipe, two inches in diameter, water runs downhill.

Ah, but it once carried the wastewater of Elvis’s aunt!

So if you want my autograph, send me a SASE at the address posted on my company web site.

I’m a junkie. Dunno what makes me this way, but I accumulate junk.

I spent the better part of Memorial Day working on my junk. Specifically, I have a collection of old toilets and parts thereof in my back yard. I call it Old Time Pottery. My wife calls it grounds for divorce. I spent a few hours cleaning the pots up, making a detailed inventory, and finding a place in our storage building to house them in an organized fashion. When I need a certain item that is otherwise extinct, I draw from my stockpile. I sell it for a good profit and the customer benefits because he avoids the cost of a new item and, often, the associated labor. For instance, replacing a tank lid requires much less labor than pulling an entire toilet and replacing it. That’s the beauty of junk.

Of course, it’s not all that beautiful sitting in the back yard with weeds growing around it. Hence my Memorial Day Inventory. Now that the pottery is ensconced in its fortifications, the yard looks much better. My wife is only mildly palliated, but that’s still progress.

Yesterday, having worked on plumbing jobs until past suppertime and having then mowed the grass, I drew out an old faucet I’d pulled from a remodeling job last year. It was a good old faucet that the customer wanted to replace, so I had saved it in my faucet collection. (I have about ten or fifteen.) I cleaned it up last night, replaced nearly everything in it, and bagged it nicely for this morning’s 9:00 customer. I got to bed at about 11:00 last night, but I was proud of myself because I had reclaimed a fine old faucet, I’d sell it for a profit of about $35, the customer would save about $40

After an hour or two of struggle this morning, I had the new/old faucet installed. As I was putting it through its paces before leaving, I found that it was leaking internally. It was, in other words, no good. I pulled it and installed another rebuilt faucet in its place. Total time on the job: three hours.

What does a rational person do after a faucet disappoints him like that? He throws it away and says, “Bad faucet: I spent a lot of time preparing you and a lot of time installing you and and it was all a waste because you have a flaw internally. I never want to see you again and I’m not going to invest my time in junk any more!”

But we’re not dealing with a rational person here; we’re dealing with a junkie. As soon as I can get around to it, I will take that faucet apart so far as is possible and I will take a torch and repair that internal flaw.

No, I can’t get rich this way. But I can be happier than any rich person I know. In fact, I am!